Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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