My nipple is on Facebook.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
