Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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