I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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