why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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