the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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