I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
