too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
