Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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