Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
