I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's never too late to be topless.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
