yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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