just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
