I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
