Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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