I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
