she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
