Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
