I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
