Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
