This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is my gift to your gina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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