why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
