I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
