If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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