My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize