hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
