I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
