kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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