"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
