rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
