Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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