She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Randomize
