I wish I could punch you in the face.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
