I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
