I'm lost and stupid without you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we should paint friendship bongs
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