its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Soap is not a condiment
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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