Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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