I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
