Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
operation have a gay friend backfired
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
