If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
