She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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