ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
