Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
