if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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