his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
