Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my sisters under your porch take her home
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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