i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
