I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
