There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
