I wanna bring you to show and tell
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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