i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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