I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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