and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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