k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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