Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
