Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
