one might say we're banned from that church
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
