elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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