dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
