BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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