apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
