he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
