I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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