I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
