Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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