I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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