Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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