They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize