Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
