A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
