Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
