My friends, they love my intelligence
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
