its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
