I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
