we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
