I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
