I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
