You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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