Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
