I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Every concussion has its silver lining
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
