plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
