please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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