chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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