Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize