We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
