gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
