So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
