Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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