you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
