So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
