Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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