Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
