I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
