Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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