he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
