Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
