So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
