he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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