so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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