Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
