i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
