How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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