My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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