she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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