ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
