walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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