I'm drive I can fine osifer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
