You're a womanizer and a bitch.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let's paint friendship bongs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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