So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
