wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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