She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
